Updated: Apr 28, 2022
As a licensed mental health therapist, I am often confronted with blind spots in nearly every case that comes my way; they present in several areas like anxiety, depression, substance abuse, and anger. In my personal life, where friends and family often approach me with life problems, relationship issues tend to be the most prominent. I must be honest with you too; even though I am a psychotherapist, I’ve dealt with my share of personal blind-spots that have got me into some frightening relationships and have cut the ties with relationships that were good for me. You are not alone here, and there is no shame in concluding that we all have varying issues that affect our relationship outcomes. So, let’s take a deeper look at a few things that could help you conceptualize your possible blind spots.
Asking the question, “How do I recognize blind spots in my relationships?”, is a courageous first step in building awareness that something may be off. “Do I find myself in relationships with similar people who all have similar problems?” “Do arguments seem to pop up more frequently after I’ve been with someone for six months or longer- maybe after just a couple of weeks or even days?” “Is it them?” Have you asked yourself, “Holy sh@#, is it me,”? Developing the bravery to ask these grueling questions is a great way to start identifying and working on the issues that could be getting in the way of cultivating healthy relationships.
Now we are getting into the more therapeutic approach of understanding those pesky blind spots. When you find yourself in new relationships quickly, fixing your partners, staying with that person when you know they aren’t right for you, dropping relationships quickly after they begin, or angry after hearing your partner/spouse say they don’t like your spaghetti, continue to ask questions to support self-awareness. As you continue to ask questions, consider something called the Cognitive Triangle to tackle blind spots. It goes like this: Something in our environment happens; we see it/hear it